So this one time . . .

I woke up at 5 in the morning wide awake. After puttering around the internet, doing a spring cleaning on my hard drive(s) and looking at Jon Foreman's Spring and Winter albums I got this wild urge to post. I've been meaning to forever, as I know we all have. But this time I got an e-mail from my mumsy whom I love and adore about a woman who asked her "so how is your life different now that you're a believer?". I've spent a fair bit of time lately sharing a massive amount of detail about my life with others which has put life into a really interesting perspective on where I've been, where I am and where I'm going. I look back at my life before Christ and it's completely unrecognizable. I look at life back at life two years ago and it's like looking at my driver's license picture. I look back at last year and it's like looking at the life of a stranger -but don't let anyone tell you this is a bad thing! Seriously though, I get weird looks and scoffs around campus (and especially from Kaleos) when I try to explain to them who I am now.

I know this is -and will continue to be- a wordy post but I have decided to be unapologetic about that. If you don't want to read it that's your loss because really you don't want to miss this one. For the truly A.D.D. out there I'll intersperse some fun pictures throughout to make it more of an adventure.

This one's one of my new favourites, I took it at Charis and Josh St. Pierre's wedding and finally edited it last night. It's still a work at play but you get the idea.



First, to introduce you to the stranger. Last year I was miserable. Not always, nor was everything terrible. But I was miserable -just ask Jeri and Sam- I sometimes forget that when I look back (and have to have them remind me). I've learned that I (as I'm sure most of us do) have a really nice and comfortable pair of rose-tinted glasses that I put on when I try to retrospect. There were wonderful parts to the year I have no doubts of that fact. I was on a worship team and went from something of a hack guitarist who could only diddle around by himself to a real musician that plays less and listens more (and gets excited about jazz theory? What? Is that even possible?!) I met a whole host of wonderful people who I laughed with, cried with, learned with and watched from my fishbowl as I slowly fell apart. For all of the wonderful parts of last year I was definitely miserable because I was in the wrong program, doing courses that were pulling me under and was holding on to my own life plans with a quickly fading grip. Long story short, I'm not a Greek scholar and had zero academic discipline. I would say that you can't pull Greek out of your more modest parts but that'd be a lie. For a semester? Yeah that's do-able. For a year? Ahh, there lies the rub. So instead of being truthful with myself I decided that I could plough on, finally do some work and squeak by Greek (which was one of the core requirements for the Theology program). Oops.

"Tyler, If my life and your hard-drive's life hung in the balance, would you save me?" -V
"Well, my hard-drive's backed up, so probably you!" -T
"What if they had your back-up as well?"
"I'd probably pray about it..."
(Happened about 30 seconds ago)

So after I failed that class (by such a pitiful margin which made it oh so clear that I just didn't put any effort into it) I had something of a crisis moment. I knew I wanted to go to Bible college, so I looked at every Bible College in the country. Upon discovering that they all had the exact same programs as Briercrest (and therefore it was stupid to cut my credits in half via transfer) I looked at what the old B-Crest had going on. Turns out that have this rocking new program called Humanities (yay!!) which means that I can do whatever I want as long as it's history, sociology, psychology, philosophy, or english. Unfortunately, that meant that most of the credits I had done last year didn't count for squat (boo!) since World Religions isn't exactly into to Philosophy. While it was really an extremely difficult year (for about a million other reasons as well but Greek is the easiest to define) God somehow brought me to the middle of Saskatchewan, 30 hours away from my home and another 20 hours away from my second home to study English at a Bible College. "Woah Viktor, why would you do such a crazy thing?" Well random spectator, I really don't know. But God does. Therefore I'm still living in the same room as last semester doing English courses which are seriously intense.



Summer was, well, w/e. My back still hurts and the cottage was sweet. This one's my brother's of a buddy and I sailing my free sailboat. Cottage was great, work felt like a huge waste of life in retrospect but I did love seeing the fam.

Now if I've learned anything as a Humanities student, it's that the story is not about extracting the meaning but about 'how' it means. "Woah Viktor! Easy there buddy, what do you mean "How a poem means?" Excellent question my friend, how convenient that I should have been asking myself that very same thing as Sean Davidson laid a linguistic smack down on me in his upper level english elective. It's a course on the selected poetry and prose of Gerard Manley Hopkins (everybody say, "yay!") and also serves as the dude who pushed me off the bridge just before saying "Oh wait, was I supposed to securely fasten the bungee chord? Oops, my bad". Insert Crystal screeching in Amanda's ear as they plummet towards certain death (man that was fun, I'm so glad I went with you guys!!) So I come in as a poor hapless Theology-student-turned-english-scholar and have to learn an entirely new way of thinking, reading, speaking, teaching and sleeping. "What? Sleeping? Viktor I'm confused" It's okay buddy, this is where the transformation part comes in. Where I had been trained to simply glean meaning from a passage I now was told that I had to write papers not on the kernel but on the husk! Where once there were commentaries with clearly labeled sections and divisions I was now given back-breaking books (that are bound to break my back before long) to bring to class each day thoroughly read and understood. Where once there were lectures that I could listen with one ear and attend to Facebook with the other there were now small intimate discussions from which I could neither hide from nor feign interest in. Where once I could stay up late doing papers and know that I'd be fine come sunrise I now found myself with my nose pressed to a grindstone as I tried to read the volumes of reading due each day (which turned to gibberish and gobbely-gook when read by a groggy mind).

Did I mention that I love it?


Josh and Charis's wedding. They haven't even seen this one yet, so consider this a sneak peek

"But Viktor, you promised us a near-miracle in how you introduced us to this behemoth of a post"
Indeed I did and indeed I will! So I met this girl. "BAHAHA! Viktor, that's no miracle!" Shhhh, you didn't let me finish. So I met this girl who was super studious and had more on her plate than anyone I've ever met. She was a wonderfully intriguing girl and I quite enjoyed her company. So we ended up hanging out while I read 13th Century literature and she did her own work. Then we ended up hanging out in the library while I read Beowolf. And then she had meetings to go to (as per usual), so I sat outside and read for three hours. "WHAT?! Viktor, are you telling me you just hung out and did your homework instead of being distracted by people and Facebook?" Yes actually, that's what I'm telling you. My Facebook had been deleted since the beginning of the year (because I was in bondage to it and it got me in trouble all the time) and I thought that reading was a better use of time than watching a million hours of TV a day (which I had been doing up to this point). "But tell me Viktor, this couldn't have been a long lasting change rather than a one time fad like the Pog . . . could it?" Ahh, this my friend is where the miracle is. Suddenly I found myself doing nothing during the day BUT reading for my next class. Soon enough I was going to the professors asking them for help with understanding the assignments! All of a sudden I was -gasp- A STUDENT!! **Insert pigs flying and Satan facing off against the Leafs in his first home-game** Although I was struggling to get by day to day I was doing the work, I was reading the books, and I was learning! Joy began to settle in place of bitterness and criticism. Socializing became what I did for a break from studying rather than my first priority. I began to use alliteration like Obama uses charisma and have an intense desire to include as many syllables as humanly possible in a single line of poetry rather than using any rational kind of punctuation whilst creating words that don't even exist in the english language; Hopkins reference?


The shot that'll never make the yearbook. I love it so much but that's the other team CREAMING our Briercrest Clippers. w/e

God instilled within me academic discipline like I've never experienced before. This allowed me to push through assignments that were difficult because I knew that I could learn from it (even if my marks weren't showing it yet). He also broke my hold over my future. I have been trying to figure out "what am I going to be when I grow up" since I can remember and God finally bellowed from the front of Briercrest's chapel, "VIKTOR! Stop trying to figure out your future career! I have a plan that is greater than you could possibly dream or imagine so stop trying to figure it out yourself! Trust me and surrender it to me". It's funny because I'm currently an English major with no idea of what I'm going to be doing beyond my degree(s?) I don't know, and that's finally, finally okay. He purged me of the sins that I struggled with in secret and made me holy, set apart for His use and ministry. He gave me a handful of guys to help guide and look out for and one in particular to mentor and pour myself into with all of my being. He gave me family in Jeri and Sam and gave me "Family Dinner" on Sunday night where I can come together with friends who I love and cherish so dearly in fellowship and food (which is a TOTAL gong-show!) He gave me a friend that I can confide in and pour out my frustrations in life to, who picks me up when I'm overwhelmed and whom I am blessed to help carry in turn during the hard times. Seriously, God - is - so - good! I am not the same Viktor that watched as you all drove away from Kaleo one by one. I am not the same guy who got up and stumbled through the worship set that he had prepared 5 minutes ago just before he shook Josh and Jesse to tell them they were playing this morning. I am not Kaleo, I am Viktor.

busy

Hey everyone
well i don't know when the last time i wrote on this blog was. I have been thrilled to see some of you in person over the last little while and hear the updates of where you are all at. I have been meaning to update those that I have not been able to meet with for awhile. This school year has been another challenge it was close to this time last year when I wrote that I something was going to give. I am kinda back in that place again but in a different way.
Allow me to explain
the last month of school has been really hard to get school work done as my life is still very much in Moose Jaw. I have been working at the smoothie bar 14 hours a week (Tue. Thurs. 4pm-8 and Sat. 10am-4) as well as working at Joe's place on weekends (Fri. 8:30pm-2:30am and Sat. 6:30pm-2:30am) this makes me weekends really busy. I don't have much in the way of classes

I have a Monday night which gives me a assignment in groups to do every week. Then a Mon, Wed, class right after chapel. I also have a mod next week and a DL that needs to be started.

I am also co-leading a small group in my dorm and as of last week started my internship with Joe's place where I am leading and developing a leadership in training program with 3 guys that are new Christians wanting to be staff. Both small groups have to be fit some where in my weekly schedule still. Oh and I am learning to drive bus as I go for my road test on Thursday to be a bus driver to get college students to Joe's on weekends.

This past few weeks have left little to no time for me to really sit down and focus on my studies so I am struggling to stay in school when my heart wants so much more to be in Moose Jaw serving the youth and people there. Because I have been so busy I also let my spiritual life slip out of the picture I haven't been reading my bible or praying as often as I should be and I have been drifting further away from God. To the point where I want to leave all that I have behind and go "Find" myself. Yet God has been holding me here which I am thankful for I am learning that vocational ministry is a lot of work for very little earthly wage. But this is where God has me still he is teaching me life lessons and showing me who I am. I know that I am his child and servant and that he is a loving father and master.

well I guess that's the update I would ask for prayer but feel that you can read and see what I need prayer for. Praise God that my weeks will be getting slower as my hours have been cut to only Saturdays but this means I am unable to get papers done on the weekends, Oh well GOd knows best. Thanks for reading, praying and being such loving people.

Peace Love and Prayers.

that circus tiger's gonna break your heart

i feel the need to tell you stories of everything that God did this summer, but i don't have enough words. i feel the need to talk about everything i learnt this summer, but i am still processing a lot of it. (is anything we learn ever really finalized? obviously the process is ongoing.) i also feel like i should tell you who i am now, and how i'm not totally the same person i was in kaleo, but i don't know how to put that into words. i had this big thing typed up but it was too chronological and type a - which isn't me at all. so i'm just going to "talk."

i worked for young life this summer because we got some government grants. now, as of october 1st, i am on student staff in victoria. it's exciting and daunting and kind of a big deal for me. i don't know that i'll be on young life staff forever, but i know that this is so right for the time being. all summer i was back and forth between rockridge and victoria. the highlight of my summer definitely came at the end of august, when victoria took 45 teens to rockridge, 10 of whom were in my cabin. i knew and loved all 10 girls before camp, but we became such good friends at camp. we had so much fun, and had so many great chats about life, love, friends, sex, boys, partying, family, tough stuff and God. i will never forget sitting on a bridge on day 6 with paige, who is now in gr 12 at mount doug high school. we were drinking smoothies, looking out at the lake, and talking about everything. she seemed nervous. i will never forget all the emotions that rushed through me when she confessed that she can't deny God any longer, and, in her own words, "wants and needs" a relationship with Him. having never been a part of a conversation like that, i was floored. and humbled. and overjoyed. and teary-eyed. and fearful. and in awe. paige acknowledged her fears about this change, and i reassured her that she wouldn't be walking this path alone. two months later, she is doing so well, she loves God, and i love her to pieces. one of the coolest things that paige said was that she saw how much God had changed bret's life in this past year. bret is my campaigner girl, who is in gr 11 at reynolds, who has grown so much this past year. it has been so encouraging to be a part of. paige saw this growth, and put two and two together. she realized that God was the source of all good in any thing or person, and she wanted in.

more recently, some pretty incredible things have been happening. i am going out for coffee today with a girl named ana-maria, who just became a christian this past week. i've known her since may 2007. she is bret's best friend, and the first girl i ever took to young life club other than bret. i know you're not supposed to have favourites, but ana-maria is one of my favs. this summer, bret and i were on a ferry. we had been working at rockridge for 3 weeks in july (this was seperate from victoria going to camp) and we were coming home. i went for a walk along the deck, and just prayed. among other things, i prayed that ana-maria would come to camp. i prayed that bret would invite her. i don't know why i prayed this - AM had already told me that she couldn't afford it and she couldn't get the time off work. but for some reason the words came out. i walked around for a bit more and then went and sat down next to bret. we chatted for like...maybe 30 seconds? and then she just blurted out: "i'm going to invite ana-maria to camp." i was FLOORED. it doesn't sound real, describing it like that. the closest i have ever experienced God answering a prayer so evidently is when i was fundraising for india. this was so humbling and such a reminder that he is working in ana-maria's life, and has been for 15 years. and we are SO lucky to get to be a part of it, so lucky that he allows us screw-ups to get involved in what He's doing. so, she came to camp. we had fun, and she responded emotionally to a lot of things, but wasn't ready to acknowledge that there was a God. she said she thought humans had invented Him. these past two weeks, she went through some hard and scary things. she didn't want to tell anyone about them at the time, and so, her only thought was to try praying. and she did, and something happened in her. she kept praying for two weeks, and after a while, she realized that God was there for her. she realized He was real, and relevent, and knew her and cared for her. on tuesday she said, "i think i want to be...or maybe i just became...a christian..." she's so scared; once again, i am floored. i had no faith that this would happen anytime soon for her. i cried a lot on tuesday. it's been an emotional week actually, ha. i am just blown away by God. why me? why does He answer my prayers for these girls? why does He let me be a part of this? i ask these things, and then i realize how way off i am: it's not about me at all.

there's this guy, jim rayburn, who started young life in the states. he always said that if we could get teenagers to see who Jesus really is, then they wouldn't be able to stop themeselves from falling in love with Him. i think that ana-maria and paige have finally realized who He is.in all of this, i have learned a bit of what life is about: being in relationship with people, dying to ourselves, and serving Christ. if that's all i ever realize about this life of faith, i will make it through, with God's help.

i read a book called "knowing God" by j.i. packer this summer. life changing. it is packed with so much biblical knowledge that i had so much to think about. through a combination of living, reading pack, reading the bibes and praying, i have learnt a lot this summer. well, maybe i haven't learnt enough, but i have certainly wrestled with many of these things: free will, God's wrath, suffering, God's sovereignty, His justice and the blessing that it is to be a part of His family. i know i have a totally imperfect knowledge of God, but everything i have learnt has been totally worth learning, no matter how hard of a lesson it was. i guess i just really love Him, and i feel so blessed to be in these girls lives, to have the incredible friends that i have, to be going on student staff, and to be able to go to school and live in a city that is full of beauty, good concerts, beaches, great coffee shops and rad people.

i am not as apathetic as i was in kaleo, and i am not as angsty as i was in 1st year. i hope i'm not as self absorbed, but maybe i am. i obviously still have my issues, but i deal with them differently now. i try to give it all up to God with prayer and petition and thanksgiving. i have learned that when things are hard, it is probably revealing areas of selfishness in my character. i have learned to strive to be content in any and all situations, whether hungry or well fed, whether living in plenty or in want. (thanks, paul.) i strive to find joy. i have learnt that though God allows grief, he will show compassion, because of his unfailing love. "for he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to any human being." i have learnt to suck it up and gain some perspective, and to also really appreciate how God uses suffering to refine His children.

i miss you guys, and i miss being in classes that teach the bible, but i am enjoying living right now. i am where i need to be.

if you stuck through this essay to the end, here's a token of my appreciation: http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/notorious/. r.i.p biggie smalls.

i really love you guys! those that i saw in grande prairie, it was great (though brief) and those that i will see at nick and jenny's weddsies in july: can't wait! if you're ever in victoria, let's go grab some coffee. (PS: JIM! i tried to embed a slideshow in this post but it didn't work! help? kelp?)

OMG

it just turned by birthday one minute ago.
that isn;t why im posting but i just realized that.

anyone who reads this today please pray for me.

I am going downtown to apply for an international job with Emirates Airlines.
http://www.emirates.com/

Basically it is my dream job, and I just turned 21, which is the minimum age. It could be perfect.

It is a three year contract though so if I get it I will be moving to the U.A.E. which I wouldn't mind. They have an amazing package for their flight attendants. That is what I would be doing... being an air waitress.
But even if I get it, the chances of me seeing everyone would get BETTER because I could probably score free flights and such.

Anyways, yes. Please pray that they notice me even with my bad haircut.

This could be huge.

A Tyler Update/ Prayer Request

So I know it's thanksgiving, but that doesn't mean that we don't have needs to pray for.

Just in the last couple of weeks Tyler and his family found out his Mama's cancer has returned. I was thinking about how we all came together when we first heard about the first bout and thought that I should let you guys know so that you can be praying too, even tho we're not all together in body. It's extra tough because it comes (once again) just as Tyler is setting off from home. He should be in Fernie (mountainous eastern BC) by tonight and will be living there for the next while.

If you want to more send him an email (tyler _ cassidy 55 at hotmail dot com) or a facebook message but I thought I'd ask for you guys to keep him and his family in your prayers.

Look what the cat dragged in!

Opening Credits:
Staring
-Sam
-Viktor
-Jeri
-ASHER!!!! What? Asher? Who's he?

Written By:
Viktor

Directed by:
Jam

Director of Photography:
Viktor

Hello good people of Ka-Le-O! It has been long, long time since we've posted. The other day Sam and I were driving through a Blizzard in Moose Jaw (yes, it was a blizzard on October 12th, whodathunkit) when we stopped to gas up. As I walked out of 7-11 I had to pry a cat off of Sam's body. Turns out it was a stray that needed some love, especially since it was a blizzard outside. Sam, being the warm fuzzy guys that he is, took the cat in as his own. By the way it's my Birthday, wish me love and happiness. Before we fully understood what we had just done I found myself with a bag of cat food in one arm and a cat bed in the other. On the way home Sam realized that Jeri was going to kill him.

Thankfully Jeri couldn't resist that cute little face ("Which one? Ha!") and found herself naming the stinky little fluff ball "Asher". He was appropriately named, considering Asher means, "Happy, Fortunate, Lucky, Blessed".

Fittingly it's Thanksgiving (the REAL Thanksgiving not that fake one in November) (Sam's trying to kill me as I type this, Jeri's restraining him) and we're thankful for all of you! Even if most of you just read this line and looked at the cute pictures, we're thankful for you too. Lots of love, hope everybody's Viktor's Birthday celebrations are going well (historically Viktor's Birthday's are celebrated with feasts of ham, turkey and copious amounts of cranberry sauce. Thank goodness we're keeping it traditional this year). Here's a picture of what you're all missing out on right now: Kaleo love at its finest.
Love,
-Us

the life of 20

well, i suppose its high time i posted since ive posted like once before haha...

basically i am having SO much fun at Briercrest this year so far, i was really surprised that this happened, cause i was NOT looking forward to comming back. buttt....
more than that God is gently changing me and rocking my world in so many different ways. He is humbling me so much and in a way i almost feel forced to follow him, but i absolutely love every minute of it at the same time haha, its weird, im addicted. Oh and he's totally answering my prayers and given me a place to pour into this year, YQ design crew, i love it! and the other important thing is that im taking a class on prayer and it is rocking my worrrrld, man who knew the adventure can only get better! i love this obedience thing even though its the hardest thing ever!! blahhh!

Kaleo had an impact on me during the year, but its affected my whole entire life so far after... oh whoever thought of that revolutionary idea is SO SMART.

umm mostly im just rambling cause i could write a book with my life story of the past summer until now with things, but i dont want to bore you, and i just wanted to post so you all know im still alive and kickin!

Oh and by the way everyone IM 20!!!! not today, but as of a week ago or something, and this is what i look like at 20!...i ate a slushie and my friends got me extra large sparklers cause im so tall!! haha i love you guys, and you can call me anytime just fb message me and get my numba or gimme yours!!

much love comin at you beautiful people
-robyn :)

Congratulations Lisa and Dalen!

movie

everyone is posting today with these awesome heart-to-hearts, but i was just wondering...

has anyone heard about that new movie called religulous?

Alright. So.
I have not posted something actually about anything since February, so I guess I should maybe write a wee update.

Since February in a nutshell:
1) My GPA went through a crisis;

2) I played one show (bass) for a screamo band called Against Grey (myspace.com/againstgrey) and then joined my friend Joel Willoughby's band (myspace.com/joelwilloughby). I play drums. It's kind of folk/rock stuff (Oasis/Neil Young?) and we played quite a few shows over the summer including a Festival on Orcas Island in the states which had 30 bands or something;

3) Got my first drum kit;

4) I worked for an irrigation company digging trenches and laying/gluing pipes;

5) I decided that I am truly Anglican after all and got more involved in my church including becoming the youth representative on Parish Counsel. It's been a really interesting time in my church because of the whole Anglican debate on orthodoxy (as in "right teaching." not to be confused with Orthodoxy the eastern christian tradition) which has resulted in my Priests being fired by the Anglican Church of Canada because they stick up for the authority of Scripture. This led then to us being adopted by the Anglican Church of the Southern Cone (Argentina Brazil etc) because they support us and think that the province of Canada is out of wack. And now we are in a legal battle to see if we get to keep our building or whether it belongs to the AC of Canada...good times. But it has really brought our church community together and its been really great;

6) I went and saw the Dave Brubeck quartet live, it made me cry, and laugh, and just straight up blew my mind. One does not get to witness genius directly too many times in one's life;

7) I joined the young adults group at my church and now have a super rad solid group of nerdy and intellectual friends with whom I can discuss such varied topics as Theology, Zombie Movies, Dungeons and Dragons, the role of Tradition in our churches, and Punk Rock. They've really been a huge support to me and we pray and share with each other on a regular basis. It isn't just a "Wednesday Night, Sunday Morning" group of friends...its a "Whenever we do anything we call everyone" kind of thing. It's real community, which is nice to have again;

8) I dated a girl from said group and then broke up with her, but we're cool now;

9) I went to camp and had a blast. It was good to see a bunch of people from Kaleo and get to hear whats going on in their worlds as well as being able to chill with Jimbad. My kids were great too. For youth camp all my boys were christians and so we could really go deeper and it was a really cool experience to see these guys who had come mostly for fun, find that Christ was working in them as well. Two of them live in Walnut Grove so I've been trying to keep in touch and see them when I can;

And now the new school year. To be honest I was totally freaked out to be coming back to school because of how badly I did last year. But so far it's been pretty good. I sucked it up and decided that I needed a Academic Coach which is helping. I'm taking Early Modern European History, Israelite Religion, the English course I failed last semester, and Political Science 101: which is probably the best course I've taken in university since the first part of History of Christianity. Being forced to read the great thinkers (Plato, Augustine, Machiavelli, Locke, etc.) and seeing how they interact with each other, has been really challenging, and I often leave class with my mind burning. It's pretty rad.
I'm also in two choirs (best ones I've been in yet) and a hiking class while playing drums one week a month for chapel.

On October 24th...I GET TO SEE FREAKING BOB DYLAN LIVE @ GM PLACE! 11th Row! Oh man, I get so excited even thinking about it. That'll be another hero on the list of "people to see before they die/retire." Dylan, Brubeck,...that leaves Tom Waits who so far shows no signs of stopping...

Oh, and I totally get to be a groomsman in Ontario next summer... JYEAH!



Anyway because I am who I am (not sacreligiously tho) I must speak about la musique.
Fall of Troy is definitely near the top of my books right now. As are Josh Ritter and Islands. So here's a sample of each. They are all very different so if you don't like one, try another.









Love you all.

Some things I know...Some things I don't

Hey Kaleo!  I ran into Jesse today at my Church... odd... since he doesn't live in Vancouver (sidenote: if you are ever in Vancouver and need a sweet church to go to, come to mine!  Westside Church www.churchonthewestside.com)... It's really funny too because every time that Kaleo crosses my mind I hear from or run into one of the many former Kaleoites...  I love the way God works...   anyways...  I wanted to give you a weird little update on me... but also ask for prayer... not really sure what I am asking but hopefully you'll get the jist of what's needed...

Life is a funny thing!  I have been thinking a lot about what my spiritual gifts are compared to my natural abilities.  I have also been thinking why I was frustrated in my last 6 months at camp, why I left, and why I am back in school etc.

To most of the questions I have a vague idea...but in all reality nothing is really clear.  

This is what I know as of today:

When I read the scriptures, or am studying them in small group or listening to a sermon my automatic reaction is a desire to teach/share what I am learning.  I like to be in mentoring roles and have a growing desire to be mentored myself. I love being around people but need time to myself in order to re-energize.  I love being surrounded by nature but also have a heart for the city and although I like to have consistency in life I also value change.

This is what I'm not sure of but have an inkling of:

I think I have the spiritual gifts of teaching and leadership, I have a natural ability of organization, I connect well with people in small groups or one-on-one, I have more passion, vision and desire when I am using my spiritual gifts.  I need to let go of MY desires more, and I love seeing young people develop into leaders.

This is what I don't know...

Where I can best put my abilities and giftings to work, am I in school again to gain perspective or to actually finish this degree, will I ever not be tired, why haven't i figured it out yet and when this path that I am currently on is going to change or even better if it is going to change.

I keep walking these journey's.  Sometimes I decide which path to take and sometimes God shows me... in the end I want to know that what I am doing brings joy to HIM!

I'm almost 30, lost as ever, but totally in love with my Saviour again!

Sigh... midterms

May chocolate and coffee be yours in abundance